There are a number of ways the abuser could have access to your email account:

1. If you share an email account with the abuser, s/he will be able to read any of the emails in your account.
2. If you use a Web-based email program like Gmail or Yahoo, your email account may be visible to someone who visits those websites on your computer unless you properly log out. Just closing your browser is not enough - you must first log out of your account to make sure that when the abuser goes to the email programs website, your personal account information won’t be on the screen.
3. If you use of one these Web-based email programs, the abuser may be able to access your email account if s/he knows your email address and password. Note: Some people’s computers save their email address and password for them. If your computer has your email address and password saved, anyone with access to your computer can read your email. You may be able to change this setting on your browser by changing your preferences. You can look up specific instructions for the browser you use by searching in a search engine with your browser’s name and “how to disable automatic password saving.”
4. If you use a computer-based email program like Outlook, Outlook Express, Eudora, or Apple Mail, anybody who has access to your computer can read your email. You may be able to include security measures on your computer, such as a password login or thumbprint access depending on the type of device you have.
5. If the abuser knows your email address, remember to not open any email attachments sent from the abuser and to not reply to an email sent by the abuser using your new email account, as these actions may let the abuser install spyware on your computer and track your email messages.
6. Many computers have a function called “AutoComplete,” which stores information you’ve typed on your computer in the past. For example, if AutoComplete is turned on, when you go to type something into a search engine such as Google, a pop-up box will appear and list the things you’ve searched for in the past. (You may also see this pop-up box when entering your credit card information or your address into an online form.) If you have AutoComplete turned on, the abuser may be able to access your email account even if you haven’t told him/her your email address or password because your email address and password may fill in automatically when the abuser begins typing in that field.

If you’re not sure whether the abuser has access to your email account, for your safety it’s best to act like s/he does and take security precautions to make sure you are privately and safely using your email.

If you believe that the abuse does not have access to your email account, here are a few steps that you may want to take anyway, to try to keep your email account secure:

1. Make sure you have a password the abuser will not be able to guess. Pick a password that does not contain obvious information (such as your name, birthday, Social Security number, pet’s name, etc.), which the abuser could guess. It may also be a good idea to change your password regularly. If you are not sure how to change the password on your email account, you can likely find that information by going to “help” or “?”. You can also learn more about making your password secure from Techsafety.org.
2. Do not write your password down. Make sure you change your computer settings so that it does not save your username (email address) and password. Your computer may ask you if you want to save your username and password after you enter it. Make sure to click on “no.”
3. When you are finished using your email, always log out or sign out. If you do not hit “log out” or “sign out,” your email account may still be open, even if you close the window.
4. If you do decide to give the abuser your email address, remember to not open any email attachments sent from the abuser or to reply to an email sent by the abuser using your new email account, as these actions may let the abuser install spyware on your computer and track your email messages.

You may also want to follow the steps in What should I do if I think the abuser can access my email account? in case the abuser has access to your email account without your knowledge.

You can print and save any threatening or harassing email messages the abuser sends you, as they may be used as evidence of his/her abuse in court or with the police.  To be able to prove that the abuser sent these messages, you may have to print out the messages with the “header,” which shows the account information of the sender of the email.  You may also want to think through whether the abuser’s emails include any language or expressions that the abuser typically uses in other writing or communication.  You may be able to testify about the similarities to help prove that the abuser sent the emails.

Additionally, depending on the content of the messages and how many s/he sends, s/he may be committing a crime, such as stalking or harassment.  You can report any threatening or harassing emails to the police.  For more information on online harassment, please see our Stalking/Cyberstalking page.  To read the definitions of any harassment or cyberstalking crimes in your state, you can go to our Crimes page and enter your state in the drop-down menu.

Threatening or harassing emails may also be a basis for a restraining order against the abuser.  To read about the types of restraining orders available in your state, select your state from the drop-down menu on our Restraining Orders page.

There are a number of different ways that the abuser can tell what websites you have visited:

• Your computer automatically saves a list of pages that you have visited in your Internet history and cache files (data that is temporarily stored on your computer such as websites, graphics etc.).

• Your computer may save copies of some of the websites you have visited in something called a temp file.

• Some websites contain “cookies,” files that automatically save onto your computer that show which websites you’ve visited, and any information you may have entered onto the site, such as your name, address etc. You can prevent cookies from saving onto your computer by changing the privacy settings on your Internet browser, which are often located in the “Tools” or “Options” menu.

• If your computer has an AutoComplete function and it’s turned on, your computer may remember things you have typed into your web browser.

• The abuser may have installed spyware on your computer, which may keep track of where you have been on the Internet and who you have sent email to. To read more information about spyware, such as how to detect it, and what to do about it, you can read Spyware and Safety which was written by the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Net Project. There are things you can do to hide your Internet activity, such as deleting your Internet history, but be aware that if the abuser has access to your computer, s/he may be able to check and see that you’ve done so. It is impossible to completely hide your tracks – especially if the abuser knows a lot about computers, since there are other ways Internet activity can be monitored. The safest way to find information on the Internet is at a computer that the abuser cannot access. Try a domestic violence organization in your area, a local library, a community center, a friend’s house, or another computer that you know is not monitored.

If you are concerned for your safety, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-779-SAFE (7233) or (TTY) 1-800-787-3224.

You cannot permanently delete Facebook by just “deactivating” your account. When you deactivate your account, your entire profile (photos, interests, friends, etc.) are still saved and may still be found during an Internet search. To delete your entire profile permanently:

1. Click on the arrow in the top right of your Facebook page.
2. Click “Settings.”
3. Click “Your Facebook Information” in the left column.
4. Click “Delete Your Account and Information,” then click “Delete My Account.”
5. Enter your password, click “Continue” and then click “Delete Account.”
6. You can cancel your account deletion if it has been less than 30 days. After 30 days your account will be permanently deleted and you won’t be able to get the information from your profile or account.¹

¹ This information was adapted from the Facebook Help Center question “How do I permanently delete my account?”

It is difficult to really keep your new address completely confidential, but there are some things you can do to lessen the number of individuals or businesses that have access to it.

Many states now have address confidentiality programs set up for victims of domestic violence, sexual harassment, and stalking. Generally, in these programs, all your mail will be sent to a safe location and will then be forwarded to your new address so that you do not have to give your new address to anyone. To find out more about the program in your specific state: type “address confidentiality program” plus the name of your state into a search engine such as Google. If your state has a program like this, it might be a better option than filling out a change of address form with the post office. The U.S. Postal Service enters all of these addresses into the National Change of Address Database, which would likely provide them to marketing companies, lenders, magazines, etc. The more companies that get your information, the higher the chance that your new address could end up on the Internet and in the hands of the abuser.